Why Searching for Your “Soul Mate” Can Ruin Your Dating Life

Is Love Island the place to find a soul mate and do you even need one?  (dpa)

Is Love Island the place to find a soul mate and do you even need one? (dpa)

Ekin-Su CülcüloÄŸlu and Davide Sanclimenti have been named the winning couple of Love Island 2022, after a tumultuous journey on the show.

The Turkish actress from Essex, 27, and Italian business owner, also 27, won over viewers with their fiery but passionate relationship and became firm fan favourites, even being dubbed ‘mum and dad’ by many Twitter users.

When they declared their love for each other in the traditional season finale, CülcüloÄŸlu said: “It’s been a hell of a ride for us. They say Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were we. I love being together. Turkish Delight and Italian Stallion, perfect for each other. You are my soulmate.”

Lovely sentiments, of course, but is looking for your “soulmate” in your search for love actually a good thing? Many relationship experts say no – and here’s why…

It creates too much pressure

Jessica Alderson, co-founder and relationship expert at So Syncd (sosyncd.com) believes that the idea of ​​”soulmates” can be toxic.

“You can end up putting too much pressure on the relationship and setting unrealistic expectations,” she says. “It’s normal for couples to disagree and have to work on things. The concept of a soulmate may imply that your relationship should be perfect and harmonious at all times, but this is just not realistic.”

Instead of pushing to find someone who immediately feels like “the one,” you can find more happiness and give potential relationships the energy to grow and develop.

You can lower your standards for the wrong person

Problems arise if you think you have found your ‘soul mate’ and you put them on a pedestal. It can blind you to red flags, or ignore issues that arise and need to be addressed.

“You can end up focusing too much on your ‘soul mate,’ which can cause you to lower your standards,” says Alderson. “It’s not healthy to think that a single person is your only path to true love, because if you’re in this mindset, you’re much more likely to struggle to set healthy boundaries, which means you could end up to put up with behavior that makes you unhappy.”

It can be all-consuming

Dating apps can make it really easy to get consumed by finding someone (Alamy/PA)

Dating apps can make it really easy to get consumed by finding someone (Alamy/PA)

If all you want to do is find your “other half,” you may be missing out on some other, pretty amazing, parts of life.

Alderson agrees: “If you’re fixated on finding your ‘soul mate,’ you may miss out on other opportunities in life, whether it’s spending time with friends, working on your passions, or dating other people who might be more compatible.” As with everything, there is a healthy balance to be found.

“It’s perfectly natural to want to feel a romantic connection, but you shouldn’t obsess over finding the ‘perfect’ person. If you get too hung up on this, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

“It’s much better to approach dating from a mindset of having fun and getting to know the other person. If you’re too focused on a particular outcome, you’ll struggle to relax and as a result you’ll find it harder to build deep connections.”

You’re missing out on a whole world of variety

Dating doesn't have to end with a ride into the sunset (Alamy/PA)

Dating doesn’t have to end with a ride into the sunset (Alamy/PA)

There is a lot of value in exploring the dating pool and meeting different types of people – just to see where it can take us.

“There’s a lot we can learn from dating many different types of people. It can help us understand our own preferences and what we’re looking for in a partner,” says Alderson. “It’s common for people to think they’re looking for certain qualities when it comes to dating, but they usually find that not everyone is as important as they expected.

“There are people who thought they could never date someone with certain qualities, but after getting to know them, they find they’re not as great as they thought.”

Instead, focus on the fun of dating, she advises.

“To have fun instead of finding your soulmate. It’s a win-win situation. When you approach dating with the mindset of having fun, you’ll not only have more fun experiences, but you’ll also be more attractive to others.”

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